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About the author:
Ron Carucci is co-founder and managing partner at Navalent, he is a CEO consultant who has been providing professional advice to the managers in 20 different companies for more than 25 years. He is the best-selling author of eight books.
When I speak to large groups about leadership, one question I often ask is, “How many of you have ever received a compliment from your boss that actually offended you?”
Without exception, more than 66% of people in the room raise their hands. When I investigate further on what they find offensive about their boss’s praise, the most common responses I hear are “It wasn’t sincere” and “They didn’t know what they were talking about.”
When leaders try to apply a “motivational technique”, employees see right through the superficial, obligatory effort. It looks like they are checking off the “I motivated someone today” box.
Motivation is not something you do to people. People ultimately choose to be motivated. The only thing leaders can do is shape the conditions under which others do, or don’t, choose to be motivated. But the final choice is theirs.
Unfortunately, too few managers understand this, because there is a big gap between managers’ efforts and the results they’re getting. A 10-year study of more than 200,000 employees shows that 79% of them who quit their jobs cite a lack of appreciation as a key reason. According to Gallup’s (2016) report, only 21% agree their performance is managed in a way that motivates them to do outstanding work.
Here are three of the most offensive forms of “motivating methods” I’ve seen managers employ, and three alternative approaches I’ve seen work wonderfully.
Drive-by praise:
Busy managers often have to squeeze in their recognition efforts to already crowded schedules. For example they pop their heads into people’s offices on the way to other meetings and say things like, “You have done a great job.” Or send a text message saying something like, “Sorry for not being able to catch you before I left, I have just read through the updated analytics and they look great. Thanks!” On the surface, these efforts seem not to be offensive, perhaps even positive.
But to recipients, it can feel inadequate if they are the only form of recognition the manager offers.
Do not make stuff up:
During a break from an executive team meeting I was facilitating, I watched one executive say to employees, “As you know, I was telling the big boss and his team this morning what an amazing job you’re doing, I’ve got your back”. The only problem is that it never happened. Employees know when their managers are being insincere. Whether these made-up stories are well-intended or not, they destroy employee’s trust in the leader.
Guilt gratitude:
It’s incredibly awkward when a manager who feels guilty, tries to overcompensate with appreciation. Leaders who may have asked for a sacrificial effort to meet a deadline may say things like, “You have no idea how much I appreciate this. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t gotten this to me today. I owe you.”
If you want to direct your good intentions into more-meaningful expressions of recognition, consider these alternatives.
Ask for the story:
Nothing affirms an employee’s great work more than a leader saying, “That was amazing. Tell me how you did it?”
By asking for, and listening intently to, the story behind an accomplishment, you help them feel that they, and their work, really matter to you. By honoring the story behind the work, you honor the results as well as the employee who reached them. You also get a view into the person’s mind: how they problem-solve, in case of doubts, what parts of the work they love, and what makes them feel proud. Those insights are invaluable for later usage. When you make decisions, you’ll know what will be most gratifying for a specific person.
Consider the relation between one’s job and company’s goals in your gratitude:
Employees lower in an organization often can’t see how their efforts contribute to broader strategies. One survey shows that only 47% of employees can make the connection between their daily duties and company performance. Tell them you appreciate their efforts not just because of how you benefit but also because of how the larger organization benefits.
Acknowledge the cost:
No substantial contribution comes without personal cost to the one making it. Whether they sacrificed time with family or took on the emotional pressure of doing something new. Let people know that you understand the sacrifice they are making and honor it.
Most employees hide any struggle that accompanied their efforts for fear of looking weak or incompetent. Acknowledging the challenges they may have faced makes your gratitude more credible, and makes it safer for employees to be honest with you in future when facing difficulties.
It’s a leader’s job to create an environment in which those they lead choose to give their best by acknowledging their efforts. That starts by ensuring recognition genuinely serves the needs of those you’re offering it to, not your own.
This post is also available in: Persian
